NMTP Newsletter Volume 6, Number 2, August, 2002

Index

Winners of the Manuel Teruel Essay Contest

CMTP Interns' Reflections on Their 9/11 Crisis Intervention

Winners of the Manuel Teruel Essay Contest

Richard Yuen, M.A., of Loyala University, won the $500 First Prize. His essay will be the lead article in the fall issue of NMTP Notes. Enrique Neblett, Jr., of the University of Michigan, won the $250 Second Prize. Lisa Edwards of the University of Kansas won the $100 Third Prize. Our thanks to the fourteen contestants, and to the Judges: Mabel Lam, Ph.D., Roxana Llerena-Quinn, Ph.D., Maxine Rawlins, Ph.D., and David Trimble, Ph.D.

CMTP Interns' Reflections on Their 9/11 Crisis Intervention

"Only leadership --- that intangible combination of gifts, discipline, information, circumstance, courage, timing, will, and divine inspiration--can lead us out of the crisis in which we find ourselves" (Rev. Jesse L. Jackson).

These words not only exemplify our effort to heal the lives of those individuals affected by the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center but also personify our uncanny desire to put our clinical training into action. When we selected to be part of the CMTP Pre-doctoral training program we did not anticipate being called to serve the needs of individuals whose lives were torn by the sudden, random, violent and senseless act of terrorism. It became clear to the interns that such a devastating incident affects not only the victims, but co-workers as well. The incident shattered individuals' sense of safety, well being and temporarily destroyed their ability to function normally.

The voices of my fellow interns speak of hope and courage during a period of time that profoundly affected the lives of others. Our personal narratives allow us to bridge the past, incorporating our meaning of loss into our present day life scripts and finding ways to celebrate new life stories that give us hope for the future. As interns we experienced healing in the sacred space of families and co-workers personally touched by the traumatic events of September 11th. We continue to be healed from the fears, uncertainty, and hopelessness in a world that appeared to have shattered our sense of safety. In addition, the healing has allowed us to be able to mobilize ourselves in order to be individuals who are committed to serving the needs of the human family.

We have stories (narratives) to share with you, since most stories are embedded with the context of our personal life experiences:

Within days of mutual introductions and official case assignments, we found ourselves immersed in the work with the victims of the terrorist attack.

Four months after the events, I realize I have experienced short-term as well as
long-term personal and professional changes as a result of this experience. Perhaps
this is part of the beauty and the challenge of working as a therapist. We are forced to use ourselves as instruments of healing and we use not only our minds but our hearts and souls in the work we do.

I believe these are some of the aspects that made my experience a very powerful and transforming opportunity to learn at many different levels:

Working together, taking care of each other and processing the experience as a group were key components of our work. We were able to provide better services and maintain balance even through the most intense situations we had to face. The value of our work was based on a solid group approach. Our supervisors were fundamental in our learning that balancing our best efforts with recognizing our own limitations was the only way to be truly helpful and efficient therapists.

Everything about a crisis calls for flexibility. We learned that there is no wrong place to do grief work or provide disaster relief assistance. The corner of a hotel room, at a conference room table or standing right next to the public phones. We had to quickly adapt our therapeutic styles and our personal therapeutic preferences to whatever needs we encountered. Sometimes silence or humor was the best approach to work with a population that most of us had never worked with before, like pilots or crewmembers of the airlines.

Interns and supervisors worked together. In a matter of days, I got to know each one of them in ways I had never imagined. As it happens in every crisis, it was up to us to make the best out of a tragic situation. I believe we did. I not only feel like I am part of a team and a community, but my level of respect and admiration for each one of them would not have been the same if I did not have the opportunity to work with them the way I did. We grew - personally and professionally - individually and as group. And I was privileged to be part of that process.

Cynthia Lucero

When Dr. Crawford and the core faculty asked the interns to serve as grief counselors our response were affirmative. We understood that they believed in our abilities to help the victim's families, co-workers and friends begin the healing process. Although the response to the tragedy was natural and normal, helping the families move through the healing process meant acknowledging a painful reality and helping them to integrate it into their lives in a meaningful way.

It seemed almost poetic in the way in which this tragedy allowed us to develop a profound relationship with each other. We grew supportive of each other in a special and unique way. It was not uncommon for us to support each other via the telephone with late night conversations. We occasionally met at each other's homes to bond over food and music but also to talk about our clinical and personal experience post September 11th. By joining together, we were able to draw upon our relational-resilience in a conjoint to contend with the stress associated with our own personal loss and death. Thus, we now share a special bond that has allowed us to support each other and work effectively as a group. I believe that the events have definitely brought the interns as well as the CMPT faculty closer together.

We provided grief counseling to friends and families of the victims and airline personnel. Sometimes our presence provided a sense of therapeutic comfort at a time when may of these victims families were experiencing sadness, anger, confusion or guilt. Bearing witness to each individual's pain helped each of us to make sense of what appeared to be a senseless event. The mundane and insignificant act of "pouring water into a glass" for the co-workers of victims allowed us to recognize how important we are to one another and how little time we often spend communicating. This act also created a 'sacred space' that allowed family and loved ones to get in touch with their pain, encouraged acceptance of a new, more difficult reality and the beginning of being able to move on with life.

Martin Pierre

What happened on September 11, 2001 undoubtedly affected not only our nation, but also
people from all over the world. People who perished either on the planes or at the World Trade
Center were from different nationalities/ ethnic backgrounds and cultures. Although September 11, impacted all of us indiscriminately, it did so at different levels. I remember when I first heard the news I was in a state of disbelief, somehow the shocking news did not sink in right away. I became aware of what had actually happened when I had the opportunity to see images of the events on TV. My husband who had been visiting me for a few days had left from the same airport a few days before. My sense of vulnerability thus heightened; at the same time, I became aware of how lucky I was that my husband had not left on that ominous day. I could not help but feel profound sadness and grief for all those families directly affected by the event. Tears came running down my face despite wiping them off time and time again. It seemed that all of a sudden nothing else mattered, as if the world had come to a halt. The emotional pain was getting to me.

So when I and the other interns at CMTP were called to help, I felt I was actually helping myself by being there for others. I cannot deny the fact that the task felt intimidating at the beginning; I kept asking myself, "What am I supposed to do?" All of a sudden what I had learned in classes about trauma and crisis intervention appeared to be confusing and overwhelming, it felt as if
all that knowledge had gone out the window. So it felt very reassuring when Dr. Crawford, the training director at CMTP, explained to the whole group of interns about compassionate presence when a critical incident has taken place. To me his words gave me a good sense of direction and enabled me to be of help to people who were in need. Personally, I had the opportunity to attend to the needs of flight attendants and airport and hotel personnel. They were all coping with both similar and different issues at the time. What they all had in common though, including myself, was a deep sense of vulnerability.

At the end of the day, we got together for debriefing and we talked about the importance of being able to take good care of ourselves and ways to accomplish this. Not only September 11, but what has ensued after this date has made me grow as a person in all respects. In terms of the hands-on kind of work, the clinical experience derived from it is invaluable and unique. This whole experience made me aware that a lot of goodness still exists among us in terms of coming out to the rescue of others in one way or another. It is so easy to lose hope in the world when acts of evil committed by men against others happen. I have learned to appreciate life even more
by living each day to its fullness.

Marisa Mares

It was the first day of my clinical orientation when I heard the news of the plane crashes. I can still remember getting the call from the CMTP Office Assistant informing me that I would be on call to do Critical Incident Stress Debriefing. I remember feeling the burden of responsibility that had been placed upon my shoulders so quickly after orientation. Immediately after the call I asked myself "are you ready for this?", and a little voice within me responded, "Yes I am!"

Working with the pilots, flight attendants, and other airport staff was immensely rewarding and it was a privilege to be able to make some kind of contribution. Everyone had this remarkable way of presenting this façade of "everything is okay", but soon after talking with them I would find that everything was terribly wrong or should I say "terribly normal considering the abnormal circumstances". In many ways I could identify with pilots' and flights attendants' emotional responses. Those who are in the "helping profession" often do not check their own emotional gauges. This was essential because the level of emotionality was so overcharged at times. There were times when working with someone I would look around the room and see my fellow interns and supervisors doing the same and I would be overcome with a sense of closeness to them because of the shared experience. At those times it was solidified why I enlisted in the profession of psychology.

The September 11th tragedy has changed our country, but it has also changed me as a professional. It has heightened my level of sensitivity to those who are emotionally in pain. Moreover, it has become clear to me how those in different circumstances can be affected by the same event. I will be forever changed. What will always resonate within me is the phrase: "THERE, BY THE GRACE OF GOD GO I".

Paula Moore

After a long, tenuous process of graduate school, comprehensive exams, endless
papers and dissertation (still), I was ready to embark on the final journey of my academic goal, internship. As I moved across the country to Boston, I had expectations of a new experience, training, and environment, relating to my professional and personal growth.

We had just started our internship for one week. Acclimating to the new staff, policies, and placement. As I walked down the unit on the morning of 09/11, I heard a staff member said, "A plane just crashed in the World Trade Center." We did not know anything else, for yet things were developing quickly. The mass confusion, shock, and anger, resonated through the hallways. It seemed as if the world had stopped, and nothing else mattered.

When we were called upon by the CMTP staff to provide additional support to assist with the relief efforts from the Red Cross, I was feeling apprehensive and uncertain, but yet ready to endure such tasks. As we arrived at the hotel near Logan Airport, security was obviously tight, and people from different organizations (FBI, police, Massport, airport and hotel employees), roamed around, busily going about their work. The most profound image for me was a meeting room, filled with relatives, friends, and loved ones of the victims that died in the plane crashes. I can not forget the grief, pain, anger, and emptiness in each of their faces. This is when I realized that the horror and repeated visions I see on television is not merely a nightmare, but reality and history in the making.

My involvement consisted of "being a physical presence," to support, by merely listening, gathering answers, and simply getting a tissue or glass of water. These interventions are quite atypical in a traditional sense of our training in graduate schools, but it far transcends the boundaries of effectiveness and support I could offer to others. As we were carefully debriefed each day, I could not help but feel a sense of helplessness, "Am I doing the right thing?…Am I helping at all?" As the days continue for the remainder of the week, we were tremendously supported by the staff, and reassured of our own well being.

In retrospect, I took upon a task that I hope will never again occur. Although the experience is invaluable, it in no ways will change nor bring back what was lost. It further reminds me the reasons why I am in this field, a vision that was lost amidst the rigorous graduate school, politics, managed care, and constant struggle to advocate for our clients. The events that occurred on September 11, 2001 will forever change how I experience the world as a person, and how precious, but vulnerable life is.

Toan D. Vuong

It is difficult to articulate my part in the week of September 11, 2001. I feel that the impact of that time is not yet known or even fully felt. What I do remember and can share with you are moments:

I remember getting into Dr. Crawford's car and putting my seatbelt on in the back seat. I felt safe. I can remember the conversation was light and comforting and it felt good to be a part of something. Finally my chance to do something, to make my presence known during this very chaotic time. I was relieved to hear his low and soothing voice tell me that our goal is to just be there, "a compassionate presence". I could do that!

For two whole days I had been waiting for a chance TO DO SOMETHING. As I arrived, I noticed people in tight circles at tables in closed off rooms and others rushing around on cell phones with clip boards. .The next moment that I remember is being embraced by a priest as we arrived at the empty deserted airport gate. I remember just giving myself over to the comfort. The words " I am not a victim , I am here to help " laid quite in back of my throat as I just allowed myself to be comforted. After we were introduced to American Airline Staff, I began talking to people, almost like a curbside cocktail party, more like a curbside funeral. People were expressing their thoughts, their feelings and their fears." I must have checked them in." "I was assigned to that gate" "I usually work with that crew" Some were completely glazed over in shock trying to process the impossible. I remember interacting and listening and sometimes just standing. I tried to keep moving to reach as many people as I could and tried not to register that I was standing in the once busy and hectic terminal where I often travel. Thoughts of quick drop-offs, rushing off to new destinations, kissing my family goodbye, knowing that I would see them soon came to my mind in flashes.

I spend much of my time working with the severely mentally ill trying to teach ways of coping with the bizarre, dealing with thoughts of the impossible and finding ways to recognize reality. Now I stood in a new place, facing something I couldn't analyze or work to change. The unreal became real and the thought of escaping from reality became natural and healthy.

Lauren Rotondi

A week into my internship, I received a call asking me if I felt ready to join the team at Logan Airport. To me, the choice was clear. I needed to have that experience for my own self to help me make sense of all that was happening in our small world that seemed so surreal and senseless at the time. To be part of the pain and suffering as well as of triumph and hope was important to restore my sanity. It was a relief indeed to find all seven of us in it together.

When we arrived at the Logan airport, I was struck by the many ways the incidents had affected people. The sense of loss was most palpable in the friends and families of the victims such as the pilots and flight attendants who lost their colleagues. But, it was also very real for many others who had come in contact with the victims only recently. We exchanged a few words, many silences, some tears and rare smiles, a glass of water here and a phone call there. I thought I didn't do anything to really help anyone, or that whatever little I did didn't really matter until a woman came to me one day with tears in her eyes, gave me a hug, and asked me where I was the previous day because she was looking for me. I suddenly realized that something had already begun to change. In sharing some of those moments together, we had created a passage in time and history, and it was just a beginning...

Seeing people reach out was tremendously uplifting and inspiring. It made me wonder what it would be like to have such an organized effort in disaster relief in India. To my surprise, I learned that a Red Cross volunteer would soon be travelling to India to help build a disaster relief operation.

I truly believe that I would not have been able to do this work without the support of my peers and supervisors at CMTP. Sharing our experiences over emotionally charged debriefings, long chats over late night phone calls, and check-in's made this an enriching experience. I was fortunate to be a part of a helping community, and a part of the CMTP family. I am grateful to CMTP for giving me a chance to care, contribute, connect, and grow as a professional and as a person.

Jyoti Pundlik

A tribute to Cynthia Lucero
Jean Lau Chin

Cynthia Lucero

Cynthia Lucero died an untimely death on April 16 2002 at the young age of 28. She was a psychology intern at the Center for Multicultural Training in Psychology at Boston Medical Center, and had just completed her colloquium for her doctoral degree at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology 3 days prior to running the Boston Marathon. She had run 20 miles when she collapsed six miles from the race's finish.

Cynthia's parents had come up from Ecuador, where she grew up, to celebrate her accomplishments of completing her doctoral dissertation, and to watch her complete the race, only to have to return home with her ashes. Cynthia's passion was to run the marathon to honor and raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. She had trained with a coach and team of more than 150 others for five months prior to the Marathon. She was drinking plenty of water and Gatorade along the route, and according to friends and teammates, was in great shape. The only thing she was worried about was an aching knee. She had already successfully run the marathon in San Diego.

Her passion was so great, she wrote her doctoral dissertation on how running marathons helps family members of cancer patients cope with their loved ones' illness. Her thesis was filled with the personal stories of some of marathon teammates. She gave freely and selflessly, nurtured and touched the lives of many. Many said she was like an angel, a light in everybody's life.

Cynthia devoted her life to one of service, and became involved in the Leukemia and Lymphoma society after a life-threatening car accident. She was a volunteer at the Shelter for Battered Women, the Cambridge Health Alliance, the South End Community Health Alliance and the Big Sister program. With her fellow interns at CMTP, she counseled families who lost loved ones at Logan International Airport following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

The loss to the CMTP program was enormous, and one that profoundly affected her fellow interns and faculty at CMTP. Their words capture the spirit and beauty of this woman who did so much in so short a time.

Dr. Kermit Crawford, Director of CMTP recounts: "My recollection of Cynthia is that of a picture. A big picture. A picture that has many frames. In each frame there is a "word" and an image. The words are like commitment, compassion, effervescence, insight, intellect, respectfulness, selflessness and on and on. These words easily come to mind as I think back over the year plus that I knew her. As with all our interns, she was a star. But beyond the words, which in reality will always fall short of the person that she truly was, I will remember Cynthia's passion for life. By Passion, I refer to her seemingly boundless enthusiasm for all that she did. Her zest for living was apparent and, in retrospect, appeared to have an urgency that surpassed that of others. Sadly, Cynthia's life ended far too soon. There was much more good for others that she would have inevitably done. Not thinking about herself, she made a positive difference for so many others and the "goodness" inside her always shone through. Even in the midst of my mourning, I am so thankful to have known her. Passion for life and for helping others does not die, it moves to the shoulders of others to carry on. I feel privileged to have a little part of Cynthia's legacy of passion to carry on.

Her primary supervisor, Dr. Mari Bennasar at CMTP had this to say in her evaluation. "Cynthia is a very dependable and hard working person. Her practical intelligence, sound judgment, and emotional resilience enable her to maintain a firm, but empathic stance as she helps clients evaluate their needs and cope with strong demands. Cynthia possesses a good sense about her clients and is able to conceptualize, formulate, and present her cases well. Her ability to maintain a sense of humor combined with a balanced view of situations allows her to deal with the many challenges of the job. A great asset is her tendency to integrate the mind, body and spirit--She views her clients as a whole, an approach that is particularly useful as she works with a diverse population (ethnicity, race, gender, age, and diagnosis).

I would like to emphasize Cynthia's most outstanding characteristic: commitment; commitment to her clients, colleagues, personal and professional goals; commitment to diversity and multicultural issues--To life. Cynthia's passion is shown in many different aspects of her life….Not only did she demonstrate the maturity she possesses, but also her resilience. She showed a special capacity to deal with trauma victims, grief, and sudden loss….In short, Cynthia Lucero is a caring, bright person. She is reliable and responsible, patient and reflective. She is highly committed to her career and goals."

Martin Pierre writes: "I find it difficult to describe her on a piece of paper in the hope that it captures her heart, mind, spirit and soul. She is not a legacy of neatly placed adjectives and adverbs (for example, loving, kind, committed). As a result, words alone cannot do justice as a way of describing this incredible individual. I worked with Cynthia on the inpatient unit at the Lemuel Shattuck Hospital. Cynthia had a special relationship with her patients along with the clinical staff and custodial workers. During clinical team meetings she advocated vigorously for her patients, particularly those patients for whom Spanish was their primary language. In fact, she discussed with the treatment team the week prior to her death her plans to begin a therapy group for Spanish speaking patients. It was not uncommon to observe her having a light conversation with the individuals responsible for cleaning the unit. Cynthia understood the power of service in the way in which she gave freely and unconditionally to others. She was a person who believed in justice, fairness and equality for all people. She used her gifts and talents to serve the human family. She leaves behind a powerful legacy as a committed servant."

Marisa Mares, a fellow intern, writes: "Very few people have touched my life in a significant way. Cynthia is one of them. I met Cynthia for the first time when I came to Boston, MA to interview at the Center for Multicultural Training in Psychology. Cynthia always intrigued me. From the moment I first met her I sensed something very special about her. As we waited to be interviewed, we began a casual conversation. Since we were both of Hispanic origin, I was curious to find out Cynthia's ethnicity. I asked her and she replied, "I'm Ecuadorian." To this, I answered, "and I'm Peruvian." It was nice to see that Cynthia did not react negatively to the disclosure of my ethnicity and that she remained interested in me as a person regardless of the animosity that may exist between our countries. At CMTP, I was awed with how brilliant she was, and more importantly, with what a beautiful person she was. Cynthia's eyes were beautiful. They had a transparency that made me feel I could see her soul through her eyes. Now I believe Cynthia was an angel trapped in a human body. She had a near death experience a few years ago and somehow God allowed her to live longer. I believed God did so for a very special purpose, and that is, to allow Cynthia to touch even more people's lives in very meaningful ways. I can only speak about my experience and the ways Cynthia has impacted my life. Cynthia engendered in me the desire to become a mother. If I ever have a child, I would love to see that they turn out to be just like Cynthia. Cynthia represents to me dedication, honesty and integrity. These are values I would like my child to embrace. At her colloquium, Cynthia made me realize how important families are since her parents and her younger brother had traveled from Ecuador to be present. This realization prompted me to take some action to repair a rift in my family. Cynthia gave me the final push I needed to be in good terms with my immediate family. I owe this to Cynthia.

Paula Moore, a fellow intern, writes: "When I think about how Cynthia's life has impacted me, I ask the question: What does it mean to leave an indelible impression on someone? ….The thing that I admired most was her sense of healthy self -esteem and sense of being secure in her own skin. Cynthia chose to see the good in individuals rather than the bad, she chose to help rather than complain. I use the word "choice" because that exemplifies the intentional way that she led her life. She chose to see strength rather than focus on weakness, she chose to have pride and to be empowered rather than to be down trodden and defeated, and she inspired others to do the same. Cynthia was all of those things, giving of herself completely, and doing so without losing sight of her own goals. The balance between never forgetting to take the time to help out a friend and tending to her busy schedule was no easy task.

I cannot say that finishing this internship year without Cynthia won't be tough. I cannot say that the bond that was forged among the CMTP interns as a result of the September 11th tragedy wasn't shaken by the April 16th tragedy of Cynthia's sudden death. Quickly after that bond was sealed again as we clung to each other in Cynthia's absence. However, I am certain that I will never be the same, not because of the tragedy of a fleeting young life or because the order of life itself never quite seems orderly, but because Cynthia has graced my presence.

Nevertheless, there remains a legacy and that is the indelible impression that Cynthia has left on all of us. The final tragedy is that my hopes and my dreams of what could have been as a friend and colleague of Cynthia's is no more, but that indelible impression, that spirit of who she was… Ah! Now that is mine to keep."

According to Lauren Rotondi, a fellow intern: "There was never a doubt that she loved her life, her work and her friends. From the very beginning she invited all of us into her family. I envy her motivation and pure discipline for her art. Psychology was like an art to her. She created masterpieces, reflecting on her own experiences, using her pure passion and unique outlook on life; that's how she did her work. Even with her dissertation, she used science to show the beauty and inner feelings of her participants, and gave to her audience inspiration and hope. Cynthia put herself into everything that she did; and everything she did was that much better because of it.

On the day she left us, I waited until day's end to jog beside her, and to give her words of encouragement and strength to carry on those last few miles. Most of all, I wanted to share in her accomplishment and to feel a part of her world which was filled with generosity and commitment. Ironically, it is she who waits for me now. I feel that she will jog beside me and encourage me to jog that last mile until that day we can finally meet. Cynthia's spirit will live on in all that we as a class accomplish, and create as we continue to find the artist deep inside our own selves."

Cynthia is sorely missed by her fellow interns at CMTP; she touched deeply the lives of many. She was a model intern, and would have been a model psychologist. She ran the marathon for others. Others will finish the marathon for her, and to ensure that her passion and spirit lives on, and that she would not be forgotten, her teammates and CMTP plan to finish the last 6 miles in her honor.

CMTP Announces New Interns

CMTP Director Kermit Crawford announced the Class of 02-03, psychology interns at the Center for Multicultural Training at Boston Medical Center. They are - John A. Brown, University of North Carolina; Kevin Castro-Convers, Lehigh University; Sara Ferguson, California School of Professional Psychology; Shanta Griffin, University of Nebraska; Ann Huynh, Argosy University (Hawaii); Rohini Luthra, Ohio University; and Lucas Torres, Purdue University.

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